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On these plains the plows and drums wrestle for centuries and marry into resignation. The old songs scratch the earth attempting to release the ancestors. Digging deeper, John Deere tractors unleash the Ghost Dance but nobody remembers the steps. Cattle and deer graze together in the moonlit fields, both afraid of civilization, and fearful of the forgetful mouth of man.
***
Bob used to tell me he thought drinking was a revolutionary act. Of course, this was before he got out of his car in a Badlands blizzard and lurched until he turned into a block of brown ice. Months after my near fatal operation I ask my doctor if I can drink again. I didn’t know you drank, he says. Well, I haven’t in ten years, I tell him and shake my head. I’ve paid my dues and I’m still a thirsty fool. I leave his office and sigh, knowing I’ve made it through another day. Ten years of one day at a time.
O sweet Mary of Nazareth, my soul is the Black Rock Desert and your son is not my wine.
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Crossing into the rez, most white people think they’re entering Hell. There is unmistakable scent of brimstone, eternal damnation. Everywhere they turn are burned-out husks of abandoned cars and scarred husks of abandoned humans, shuffling, lost in the dreams of their grandfathers. Hope is only a word used in grant applications or in the leering glare of casino one-armed bandits.
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Yes, this is Indian Country and we are bone and juice, twelve frothy ounces of moon drool, a touch of inexact wistfulness, wry evaporation, and eventual extinction. In America there is no truer place for us to worship our terrible beauty.
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